Hello readers, contrary to most suspiscion, I'm not dead, yet! Sigh, the reason that I've not been updating is because I felt that I've lost the motivation to write. So many bad things has happened to me lately, I think I have to see a feng-shui master to channel my bad luck somewhere else!
So I treat myself better by going travelling to many new places. Yeah! I just came back from Taiwan and I might as well just confessed here that I've been having continous epileptic shopaholic seizure! OMG! My credit card microchip has been acting weird (malfunction) due to excessive continous swipes, ugh, its TRUE.
I'll make a short update what has happened since my last update.
1. I'm still so much so single!
2. Sora has grow up much! turning from cute to Handsome!
3. I've gained some muscles! far from what I'm targetting though!
4. Still buying underwears (I've sworn not to buy already this year)
5. Bank Account suffered from a series of earthquakes!
6. Mentally stronger & wiser (hopefully)
7. I have like 20 jackets+sweater+cardigans (half bought from recent Taiwanese trip!)
8. Tons of new face mask, eye mask, more kiehl's, and korean facial products!
9. Got an LV bag, its a macassar keepal (huhuhu~ :P)
10. I'm 50% vainer than before, teehee!
Okay enough words, I know you guys are like me, enjoy looking at pictures more than reading.
A mask a day keeps the pimples away LOL!
What you're looking at??!
Random shots at Ximending, Taipei!
Random street shots again!
Camewhore in bus!
Sora's replica!
Looky! look! Does it give you the college boy feel?
Yummy Lu-Rou fan!
Taiwan is so full of temples, but this is on top of a lake!
Bleeeh!!
Eating steambot in the cold weather!
I found LOVE outside Taipei 101
I like this Jacket i found in ZARA Taipei 101, but didnt buy it though!
Who likes my Military cap? :)
SORA with a cute bow I found in Taipei's Street!
Its SHI BA KE (sparks), Starbucks is called SHI TA BA
SORA so serious.. scary..
Okay la, i'll try to prepare my photos taken with DSLR and post it up soon.. very soon okay don't worry :)
Okay, I had some dates before and I came down to a list of things that really turn me off!
1. Mr. Bad Engrish
I do not have grammar perfect English, neither do I have the most flowerish type of vocabulary, but seriously, if after our failed attempts to converse in proper English, and I've made the effort to speak with you back in Mandarin (not getting my subtle hint) and yet if you still insist to speak in your broken engrish, it's really not a sexy thing to do. We can speak in Mandarin or Hokkien or Malay, I much prefer it to your bad broken engrish! I mean, don't push it, stay true to yourself, speak only in languages you are comfortable with. You are not impressing anyone by doing otherwise!
2. Mr. Know it all & Mr. Hard to impress!
Have u ever talked to someone, who ends your sentences each time saying "of course la", "ya, abuthen?", "Aiyah, that also you don't know ah?", "And oh, your are a doctor ah? My friend's uncle's 2nd wife's son also a doctor" too? Okay, you may act like you know a lot of stuff but then maybe it's just the way you talk, it's arrogant! Thought you've seen the world? Er, and unless you are Mr. Google, you don't know everything, no!
3. Mr. Foul Smelling
No, no. Please have some courtesy to use deodarant or perfume if you know you smell bad. I make an effort to brush my teeth each time before I go out for a date, who knows if you're getting a kiss at the end of the date, right? And if you have bad breath, oh god, no please, no, it's a real turn-off.... besides, I really dislike the smell of smoke and alcohol too!
4. Mr. Sissy
I have nothing against sissies but they're just not sexy to me. It's really not my cup and yes I am sure you have your audiences, but it's just not me. And if I really wanted sissies, I would just go out and date a real girl.
Dress simple yet classy like Mr. Ryan Philipe!
5. Mr. Badly dress & Mr. Overly dress
You do realize we're not in the north pole right? What's with the parka in out hot summer weather? Or that dangling scarf around your neck? There's a thin line between being fashionable and just being silly! Also, those japanese slippers with short pants and singlet combos are a no no. We're not going to the market right, uncle?
I honestly just feel that if you have not spent more than 30 seconds thinking about how you'll dress outside, it just means you have not valued yourself enough. And if you can't appreciate or value yourself enough, how are you going to value others?
6. Mr. I-am-extremely-happy-with-my-fat-self
PUHLUZZZZZ... okay, I know having genetically fat genes or an incurable medical condition makes you who you are and you can't help it, rite? I am not buying that! I have nothing against you really, just that I am less attracted to you, that's all. Its not like I'm asking for a hot model body, but at least you should show some effort to improve yourself physically, everyone should try to better themselves.
7. Mr. Show off
Yes, you are making gazzillions of dollars and you drive a jet to work! Okay, I can't honestly say I am not interested but... there's a cut-off line to being a real turn off! I am a Mr. Show off myself (or so I was told), so I guess two positives repel each other right? I just feel that being modest is extremely sexy and people are more impressed to find out these things about you slowly rather than you just throw everything on the table for them!
8. Mr. Low IQ
Please don't ever, I repeat, ever, ask me if I had ever molested or felt high examining my naked patient! It just goes to show how low your IQ can be. I am a professional & if you think I spent 5 years struggling in medical school just to get some sexual gratification looking at naked old sick and helpless patients, you are just plain shallow! I really don't judge you by your work, your home background, how much money you bring home, but it's just the way you talk to me. And it's not like I ask you about your opinion regarding the 2nd World War or ask you to answer my algebra questions. I just need a decent chat, that's all!
Unless you are Keanu Reeves, don't be Grandeur!
9. Mr. I Am SO HandSoMe & Mr. I Am ToO SeXy FoR mYselF!
Okay, I cannot stand grandeurism, the 'I am too good for you' attitude. So if you feel you are too good for me, or you are in a totally different class than me, I am fine with that, no point in wasting each other's time, go on and have sex with your right hand.... or left... right feet... whatever!
10. Mr. Cheapo
Dating nowadays is cheaper with Whatsapp, Facebook etc! You can also use Viber, so when we actually go out for real dates, please don't be cheap! Its such a turn off when we just order "ice water" or "sky juice" on a date, or let me pay each time we go out together, and act like it's fair because I make more money that you. Hello? If someone makes more money than you it doesn't mean they owe you money for LIFE! & it's not like I'm the type of person who actually goes around throwing my money on the street, but if you want to impress someone, the last thing to do is to act cheap on a date.
People has told me multiple times, why am I a bad lover. & I'll try my best to debunk some myth here, if possible!
(p/s: I put up some unedited photos of myself for the first time, straight from my Mac's photobooth since some people said I did too much editings to my photos!, okay lo!)
Myth 1. I am a Control-freak with a capital C!
Well if I care about someone, alot, I'll automatically start to ask alot of questions, including, who are you having lunch with? why are you half and hour late home? and why did you late in replying my messages? Its not like I want to control, I am just extra-worried and I cannot help myself from not knowing everything and all that is happening to you. Of course if I dont care, I just dont. And I am an extremely sensitive guy and I would have notice why you ordered fish today for dinner and not your usual favourite beef, please, its not I want to control what you eat, I just want to know why you've changed? But I can't help the occasional, and please, OCCASIONAL browsing through sms, just like many other partners, its just normal in relationship! And asking about your email and facebook password, is because one day if you might have forgotten it and if you developed Alzheimers, who else know?
I where got scold people? I am a sweet guy!
Myth 2. I like to scold my lover!
Erm, have you ever heard of a chinese old phrase? Beating means care for you and scold is love? I want you to become better, and maybe the way I said it can be more gentle, but I am an emotional guy, so sometimes my tone and voice can be just a little louder than usual. Again in my defense, I could just let you repeat your same old mistake and will not point out anything but I care, I really do care!
Okay, sometimes I did it in front of many people or strangers, but again if you dont make any mistake, you won't get scolding, just plain simple!
Control Freak meh? Care-Freak got la!
Myth 3. I always take charges, make decisions for my lover!
Who doesn't? I mean, I am an extremely flexible person (not physically la) you can bring your points to the table and I love to debate, but most of the time I'm still correct. But I'll give you a chance to proof me wrong but if you can't then lets just make the best decisions. I wouldn't let you make bad decisions and regret them later. Have you heard of "not pointing out the mistake is also part of the problem? for one, I am not the person who will let bad decisions or mistakes go pass me by, and act like I didn't notice them!
Drama Queen? Who?
Myth 4. I am extremely EMOTIONAL and DRAMAQUEEN
Oh my god! >.<" okay I am not going to debunk this, this is not a myth. Sudden lost of apetite after you have said something wrong? done that. Walk away from you? done that. Cold treatment? my specialty. Okay, I'll work on this, I will.
Myth 5. I am a Big spender. I buy many underwears.
Erm, okay, its true also I'll admit it right here. But I do buy you nice gift too, no? You can share my underwear too, not all, SOME!
Okay, I can put a few more things here, but its okay, I just had a bad date today, and I'm getting tired already. Maybe I'll put up the good things about myself next. Night & hugs! Oh btw, emo music of the night!
Sorry for no updates for the last 8 days.. not even a goodbye! So sorry my dear readers.. from these few days onwards, I'll update regularly about my trip to Bangkok & phuket! And yes I did came back with something special, a tattoo, and in contrary to popular believes, its not as paiful as I first thought it would be. Nevertheless, I was scared & excited the same time. I did the design like in 5 mins time in a restaurant while having tasty tomyam sup and I have to admit that, it was a rather an impulsive idea to get myself tatooed, caused it wasn't planned earlier. Oh well, search the word impulsive on the dictionary and that's me! So, why the word love? I know its rather common but love is something that I greatly believed in although I have had tough luck with it lately! Initially I was thinking of tattooing my favourite qoute, but its too long, which one? this one = the greatest thing, you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return! (I got this qoute laser engraved on the back of my ipod!), ah well, its extreme la and I just wanted something simple and artistic like this one. What do you think?
I am not happy these few days, PMS that is. Been busy with work, been sleeping a lot less, and I feel tired all the times. I have also been doing some thinking for now. And yes, I think I have problems dealing with my own feelings, and emotions. It is difficult to put in words how I feel but I'll try.
You see, I noticed that everytime if I ever feel that I am involving myself into a relationship more serious than just friendship, when I start to have feelings of more than just friends, I will take a step back. I think this thing happen at least 5 times now with different persons after my breakup last year. I don't know if it's because I was hurt so deeply before and now I do not want to expose myself again the same way, then subconsciously, I developed a self defense mechanism within me.
You can say that maybe I'd lost faith in relationship, I don't know. All I know is that I do not want to be hurt, do not want to feel pain again. Many times, I don't see myself loving anyone else new. It's not because I don't believe in love anymore, I still, but I have become cautious. Maybe too cautious, and maybe it will hurt me one day? And hurt many other sincere hearts around. I am sorry. I truly am, for those who cares.
Each person has a story to tell, it could be a story of a successful business venture or a great career, a story of an unforgettable adventure, or a story about a magical life event of famous person. I'm not a famous person, and this is not a story about business or career, it's hardly an adventure, but this is my story, the story about love and its definitely unforgettable, most magicable 6 years of my life. It is a good story? Now, that is debatable. Those who always see life as half full, for these people, it doesn't really matter if the story has an unhappy ending, at least the sweet memories were there, although they don't last, at least they happened. Others felt that stories with bad endings are bad stories. This is my story, and this is how it all started.
Seven years ago, I was just a 20 years old student, I major in all the sciences and mathematics back in my college days. The truth was, I never really liked them. Since young, my passion was primarily on drawing and art. I'm always good with pencils, and I went to attend drawing lessons at very young of age. My father would encourage me to join many art related competitions, those were my glory days, where I was happy doing what I love most. I really missed those times. I wanted to be an artist who draws and paint beautiful pictures, I wanted to open a gallery of my own, and all I ever wanted was to show the world my art. But dreams are called dreams for a reason, they are not real, sadly, not in my case. My parents wants me to pursue medicine. I still remember how they would make me talk to family doctors about pursuing the career as medical promised good and easy life with good job prospect. At that time my sister was already in India as a first year medical student. My sister would call and talk to me about how great were the courses, the place, food, how beautiful the campus, and at that time I was really scared. I was scared to lose my dream, to pursue something that I was not familiar with. But in the other hand, I dare not make a firm stand on my choice, so I chose the easier way out. I went to become mommy's good boy and agreed to go to medical school to pursue my parent's dream. No, they were not my dream.
I enrolled in a medical school in a small town in southern state of India. This place is very secluded, far from civilization. You need to board a plane from Kuala Lumpur to Bangalore (often called as the silicon valley of India), from there, you will need to transit to a smaller place called Mangalore, you then take a two hours taxi ride to a small place called Manipal. I've heard horror stories of India, told by aunties and uncles who dare not even set foot there themselves. They too, listen to stories told by another person whom I suspect, got the stories from another person.. yada yada.. You get the idea, those stories were basically false stories and most of the part does not paint the real picture of India. I went there with full mental preparation of the worst case scenarioes, no electricity -check, smelly environments -check, unhygienic food -check, poor water supply, you know the drills. I've basically psyched myself up, I said "bring it on", I am ready for the next 5 years of hell. Little did I know, god has planned a little surprise for me.
I still remembered vividly my feelings the first night I set foot on India, I was scared and lonely. This mark the first time I left home, to a foreign place, far far away from my parents. I went to my hostel, the room was huge, it has a small kitchen and boy even the bathroom was big as well, it was a pleasant surprise! I told myself, maybe India is not as bad as how they potrayed them to be. I couldn't sleep well the first night, I missed my bed, I missed the smell of my room, I missed my brothers who I shared bed with since young. I have no friends with me, heck I haven't meet with any of my classmates yet. It was definitely mixed feelings for me, I was unsure what this new place has in store for me, I was sad about leaving my comfort zone, at the same time, I felt a tinge excitement in me.
Early the next morning, my sister brought me to the nearest most indian kind of place for breakfast. Enjoying your roti paratha (canai, they called it here in Malaysia) with ur tables set right under a tree in a small open space area, with bollywood indian hit songs playing in a low quality radio mono sound in the background. The place was packed, it seems like a hotspot for breakfast, I thought to myself. As we were eating, my sister noticed three boys walking past our tables to the next table. She instantly noted to me that those guys were my new classmates. Well, the place is small, everyone knew everyone. She pushed me to go and have a little chat with my them, making friends with them as she's leaving for classes soon and I better be having my own gang, rather than having her babysit me most the time. Yes I was rather dependent on my big sister, why wounldn't I? It's partly her that I'm halfway around the world away from home. I was rather a shy and timid person back then, especially to unfamiliar new faces. Gulp!
As I walked up to them, I noticed a very japanese looking young boyish face. This guy was stylo, his hair was dyed light brow, his eyebrows were thick, his eyes were dark brown, he has good complexion, he was about my size and height, was fit, and he has the most handsome smile ever. He's exactly the type of guy that anyone would notice walking by. I walked up to them, acting like I'm not distracted by the good looking guy on the same table. I forced a friendly smile in my awkward face, I said hi and introduced myself to them, at that time, I did not realize that this is the group of friends who I'm gonna spend most of my time in India with. Let's call mr. handsome face mr. Z. Naturally, I was extremely shy with Mr. Z. Yes I talked to him but dare not look directly into his eyes. We hangout, most of the time for the next one year but mostly in groups, so I hardly had private moments with Z alone. Mr. Z was a great friend of mine, he's probably the nicest person ever. I always made comparison of him with dinosaurs and how his species of men has reached extinction and he would just laugh out loud about it. He was a person with little opinions, he is well mannered, a true gentlemen -he would say yes to my suggestions, will not reject any form of requests and definitely will not say no to helping a friend in need. He mixes well with many people, he's always the good guy, never the bad guy. He do not gossips about friends, and he has no enemy.
I got very close to Mr. Z during our first year final exam study period. At that time I already moved out of hostel to a small apartment unit where Mr. Z stayed next door with his friend. Either he came over to my unit, or I went to his unit, it was a routine, we both spent good times together, studying at most part. Of course, secretly I was already falling for him. But I dare not whisper or act it out in front of him, I just played cool at most part. Why would I act stupid and tell him how I feel and then have our friendship completely ruined? I dare not cross my border to jeopardize the relationship that we are building. We spent almost a month together, just me and him, til the day of exam. We were studying mostly, sometimes we would just relax and talk bout all the silly things we did in schools, all the people we met, all the things we enjoyed doing. We had breakfast, dinner and lunch together. It was definitely intimate and my feelings grew much stronger for him than ever before. So, after exams were over, we both decides to join the after-exam celebrations. It's a ritual our classmates had each time after writing our last paper. Everyone will gather in the local club and drank our heart out, dances to musics, it was both fun and silly. Frankly, Z and me, we both were and still are lousy drinkers. I would lose all my inhibitions and just talk silly after sips of beer (and I am not exaggerating, this has been proven over and over again!). We hangout there for awhile, most of my friends were already drunk and Mr. Z was halfway there. I secretly took his alcohol away, and then poured them into my own glass, so that I would help him drink. My way of reducing his alcohol intake. Then, I insisted to go back home as it was already late at night. Z agreed.
We took the tok-tok, it was the local form of public transportation around the small campus towm. It is basically a three wheeled transport with a driver in front and it only sits three person max, two person if both passenger are obese. The night was cold, Mr. Z sat closely besides me, he was already talking nonsense, usually he's more of a quiet type of guy. He then rested his head over my right shoulder. He lifted his head, then whispered in my ears. He told me that I am the closest person to him with a soft gentle voice. He layed his head over my shoulder for the next 30 mins till we reached home. It was definitely an awkward moment for me, I wasn't drunk, and my I made sure I did not move a muscle over my shoulder, I want to enjoy the moment. As we were reaching home, we went straight up to my unit, to my bedroom. We both sat down on the floor, I leaned against the wall behind my back. We chatted for awhile, still mr. Z remains talkative, we went on chatting and laughing, we had great fun, enjoyed the company of each other. This was the moment when the magic happened. He moved closer to me, and stared directly into my eyes. Then the most unexpected word came out of his mouth. He asked me with a gentle voice "can I kiss you?". I was really stunned, I felt palpitation, my mind went blank. He's only a few inches away from kissing me. I paused for a moment, I held my breath for a second and then I whispered back yes. Then I went for it. We lip locked for a brief moment. It was my first kiss, and it was amazing... There were like firework just like the one in moulin rouge's kissing scene. It was beautiful! Nothing could be more perfect than that!
Enjoy, the elephant love medley, scene from one of my favourite movie!
I am waiting for someone's call.. I am restless, I can't sleep, I can't enjoy myself, I can't appreciate my last day at home. I am patiently waiting for a phone call, a call that was never meant to happen. This was someone whom I thought was rather important to me for a little while, but reality does have a way to sting you where you're at your most vulnerable self. Story is like this, I've meet with someone from the cyberspace, someone I never knew, and never will know. He remains mysterious to me for most of the time when we're messaging and chatting, or skyping. Yes, I am going to admit here that I'm lonely and I do enjoy company from strangers from time to time. I am someone who has practically everything I ever wanted. I have a great job, I have everything I need and also bought many things that I dont need, I have a wonderful family, I have few but really good friends.. but life has never been enough for a person like me. I am never truly happy!
So, lets just name this person Mr. J. He's young, happy go lucky guy, high spirited, smart, all confident kind of guy, charming, greatlooking (as what I've heard), one word = the perfect man. We spent considerable amount of time on talking, sharing experiences, advising each other, sometimes teasing and fooling around with each other. But Mr. J is not perfect, he has this medical condition, which sometimes put him great discomfort, and haven't I mentioned so far, being a "caring" doctor, thats what I've been told, I would gave him advises, shares his pains with him even offered to take care of him (in the event, if he ever needs me), there is only so much I can do for him. Our "friendship" lasted for maybe 2 months? I would go to work till 12 midnights and then came back tired in front of the computer staring at a nickname, and then talk for 1-2 hours and then go to bed in the middle of morning. Each passing days, my connection I felt was growing, and its not something withing my control.
Fast forward a little to the ending was, Mr. J. had made it very clear that this 'friendship' should not even happen, and is wrong since the beginning, I quickly held back, suppressed my feelings, and stop getting involved with him. I sent a rather long winded message, saying how by continuing this will only left me hurt, and mind you, I'm still not recuperating from my broken heart. So we then stopped doing what we been doing. I ended it. Like what Mr. J has confessed, his biggest weakness was suprising not the medical condition that he's been suffering. His weakness lies in the inability of himself 'managing' human - in his own word. Throughout his life, he confessed of often unintentionally misguiding and misleading people into self-made feelings or in my own words 'deluded make believe relationship'. Like the one that I had with him. Often leaving the 'victims' heartbroken, and emotionally damaged.. okay maybe damage is a harsh word!
But to Mr. J's defense, he did changed my life, most of it to the better. I started buying books and I enjoy reading them, I started taking good care of what I eat, I started to have a routine to do exercises, and to build my body (Mr. J has a perfect 6 pacs). Basically I gain the determination of heal and improve myself! (It does sound like Mr. J is more of a doctor than myself!)
I'm slowly accepting the fact that, sometimes, some people just walked n crosses in your life, and then leave and change you (for better or worst), and they had to leave. Ironicaly, until today I dont know how Mr. J looked like, all I remember was his name, his voice, and his words.
So why am i waiting for the call? why do feel the way I'm feeling now. Maybe I just want to know that he's fine. He has been going through some rough patch in life I wish that I am there for him the same way that he was there for me. All I wanted to say this to him is this, "dear Mr. J, I'll forever support you in whatever you do, for better, for worse. And I wish you all the love and luck, my dear friend!"
